When Upstairs Neighbors Drive Ya Nuts

WHO: obsessive-compulsive neighbor

WHERE: upstairs

THE STORY: One of the things about living in New York City is the fact that people live above you… I once had a neighbor who did nothing but vacuum all day that it drove me to write down the multiple intervals on a paper bag just from going crazy.

7:33am…vroom.

It started at this time because her husband, the cab driver, would leave for work.

8:46am…vroom. vroom.

Zeus, please make it stop.

9:56am: vroom. vroom. vroom.

Mercy, me.

11:13am. Vroom. vroom. vroom.

God. Please. I‘m begging you. Give her diarrhea. For one whole year.

This went on like this for weeks at a time. I couldn‘t take it anymore and I just had to confront her. So, up the stairs I went and knocked gently on her door.

Truth be told, I really wanted to bust it down with 10 deadly karate kicks I learned from an old boyfriend.

Boy, was he a fine specimen of a man. But that‘s a whole other topic, folks.

She finally opened the door and the conversation went something like this:

Vacuum nut: “Yes, can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I live right below you and I can‘t get any writing done with all the noise from the vacuum?&rdquo ( pssst…I was really watching one of my favorite shows: “Judge Mathis”…shhh!)

Vacuum lunatic: “So?”

Me: “You know, I have a puzzle downstairs I could lend to you if you‘re bored or…in heat!”

Shrek-the-vacuum-monster: “Go to…!”

She slammed the door in my face before I could catch the last word…

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Source: Small Business Marketing Strategies

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Let’s Go, This Place Stinks

WHO: stephen

WHERE: williamsburg

THE STORY: i know this nut stephen who lives right over a garden restaurant in wburg… the smell of cigarette smoke coming in his window totally drives him crazy, so to control it he gets into a bit of urban terrorism… he got a tiny bottle of some disgusting smelling prank stink bomb stuff called liquid stink or something that totally smells like poop. whenever he smells smokers under his window he squirts it out over their table! then he waits and peeks out to watch them sniffing around trying to figure out what smells like crap!… pretty soon they get totally disgusted and get up and leave… i watched it once and it was totally hilarious. they didn’t even finish drinks they just ordered!

Submitted by: mia

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Terminal Games

WHO: some nut!

WHERE: JFK airport

THE STORY: On Saturday I went to pick up a friend who was flying in from overseas. While I was waiting, a woman sat down on the floor in the middle of the busy arrivals area and proceeded to set up a board game, which she then played with 3 others who joined her!

Submitted by: Rutha

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The Philosophy Professor and the Subway Cop

WHO: Sidney Morgenbesser (1921-2004), Professor Emeritus of Philosophy at Columbia University

WHERE: the subway

THE STORY: One day in New York City, Morgenbesser put his pipe in his mouth as he was ascending the subway steps. A policeman approached and told him that there was no smoking on the subway. Morgenbesser pointed out that he was leaving the subway, not entering it, and that he had not yet lit up. The cop repeated his injunction. Morgenbesser repeated his observation. After a few such exchanges, the cop saw he was beaten and fell back on the oldest standby of enfeebled authority: “If I let you do it, I‘d have to let everyone do it.” To this the old philosopher replied, “Who do you think you are—Kant?” His last word was misconstrued, and the whole question of the Categorical Imperative had to be hashed out down at the police station. Morgenbesser won the argument.

Source: Powerset

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Aromatherapy

WHO: Fat guy in the next cubicle

WHERE: Prudential Insurance on 57th

THE STORY: There‘s this weird fat guy in the next cubicle. This a.m. I happen to check him fart and then cup his hand and take a whiff…eeeeew!

Submitted by: Robin B.

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Please sir, may I have some more?

WHO: some 20 yr. old White guy

WHERE: 281 Bowery 2nd fl

THE STORY: Every time I see the guy across the street finishes eating, he puts his plate up to his face and laps his tongue all over it like a wild dog or something!

Submitted By: Alexandra

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