NUT SAY WHAT??: Quick Takes, Vol. 2

Bits of nutty New York dialog… overheard by readers… and from various sources… thanks, eavesdroppers, for the gems you’ve submitted… all the unintentionally hilarious things New Yorkers have said to you, or stuff you’ve heard someone say to someone else… keep them coming… short and sweet… very welcome here at Nuts in NY.

NOT ENOUGH QUESTION MARKS FOR ME ANSWER SERIOUSLY?
Source: Bronx Women

WHO: momo
WHERE: The Bronx

I like the emo fashion? i like the hair and the clothes. im totally not emotional or sad and thinking about cutting my wrists. but i live in the bronx NY where its all hispanics and blacks (im arabic) and all about freshness and sex and no one knows what emo prolly is? is it strange to start dressing and looking emo?

TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN
Source: Above the Law

New York City raised the fine on people who refuse to pick up after their dog for the first time in 30 years. The fine now stands at $250. The fine should be $1,000 and your neighbors being allowed to poop in your shoes for a week.

UH, BECAUSE GOD INVENTED BEER?
Submitted by: DD

WHO: thirtysomething-looking guy talking to similar friend
WHERE: sitting sharing a big bottle of seltzer water

“Man, did they have this stuff when we were in college? Why didn’t we drink it then?”

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE CONSERVATIVE COFFEE
Source: Metro, also covered here.

WHO: Daniel Licari
WHERE: Bushwick via Miami

In Florida “you see those people from Middle America on their vacations: They’re not voting for Barack… In New York you’re surrounded by all these liberals, but New York is not like the rest of the country. The majority voted for Bush last time, and they haven’t disappeared.”

WELL NOT THIS CHICKEN, AT LEAST
Submitted by: DD

WHO: 4-year-old Leelee
WHERE: at the dinner table eating vegetarian chicken nuggets

“Daddy, do you know where chicken comes from? It comes from chickens! You run after the chickens and you have to catch them and then get the meat out.”

BUSH AND BIN LADEN ON THE GOLF COURSE
Source: The Dancing Image

WHO: construction worker talking to a buddy
WHERE: on the streets of New York

“They’re all in it together, ya know. You ever see that Michael Moore movie? On the morning of 9/11, Bush was playing golf with bin Laden!”

WOMAN SEEKING OMEN
Source: MissMoll

Call me crazy, but the most beautiful, amazing thing just happened. I have a cheap hair clip from H&M that’s perfect for my hair. Hair doesn’t fall out, doesn’t pinch head, etc. And it broke 2 days ago. So today, I pull out this purse that I seriously haven’t used in 2 years… I open it up, and find the exact same hair thing, but not broken.

It’s going to be a good night.

HER GOOD EAR NEVER HEARD OF THE NIGHT SHIFT?
Source: MissMoll

Someone’s alarm clock actually goes off every single night at midnight. One of my neighbors. I mean, why in god’s name would you set your alarm clock for midnight?? I can only conclude that it’s a psychological experiment to drive their neighbors crazy. Perhaps a bet on who’s going to violently knock on everyone’s apartment door first… Every day I am thankful for my “bad ear.” I highly value being able to sleep on my “good ear” to muffle everything even if the trade off is asking everyone to repeat what they’re saying and missing all the under the breath insults.

© 2008 NutsInNY.com

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PROFESSOR 007: The James Bond of Columbia Law?

Columbia University Law’s website calls Philip Bobbitt “One of the nation’s leading constitutional theorists.” The New York Observer says he’s “a former member of the Carter, Bush I and Clinton administrations and an adviser to foreign heads of state”. But here at Nuts in NY we’re struck by the Cold War trappings: the anachronistic black & white portraits on his book covers… the anecdotes about his uncle LBJ… the scotch and soda and cigars.

Philip Bobbitt

Described as an expert on international security and strategy, Philip Bobbitt’s books have been read by presidential candidates McCain and Obama, and endorsed by Kissinger and Tony Blair.

“Most students see him as a dedicated teacher who happens to lead an impossibly cultured and glamorous life,” the Observer says. “He can blow smoke rings, and sponsors a national poetry prize in honor of his late mother.” And, he “rotates seasonally among his homes, and can’t shake his habit of a nightly cigar and scotch-and-soda.”

According to a teaching assistant for his classes, Bobbitt “teaches class on Monday and Tuesday and flies around the world solving the world’s problems Wednesday through Sunday.” Another says, “His mannerisms just kind of ooze a James Bondian kind of quality.”

As for us, we’re not sure about any “matinee-idol looks”, as abovethelaw.com puts it. To us Bobbitt looks more like 007 author Ian Fleming than any incarnation of his Bond character:

James Bond author Ian Fleming

Anyway, given a character like Bobbitt, we can’t resist taking a look at some reactions from the comments section at abovethelaw.com:

Comment #4:

He’s such a tool. He drives this classic convertible and hops over the door. Also, every single book he’s ever written has some…J. Crew type pose…

Comment #12:

Bobbitt’s house had paintings of naked people on the bathroom wall. Maybe it was supposed to be cultured, but I found it just gross.

Comment #24:

I thought his wife chopped his penis off and threw it out the window.

Comment #32:

So does the guy sleep with his students? …it would be very Bond-esque of him to have a new “Bobbitt girl” every year.

Source: NY Observer via Above the Law
Photo credits: via New York Observer; Horst Tappe/Hulton Archive/Getty Images, via Media Bistro

© 2008 NutsInNY.com

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Now You Hasidim, Now You Don’t

Nothing funny to see here — except some amusing photos of hipsters in their underwear. I was the nut in this case, and now this is a retraction. After some cajoling from others here at Nuts in NY Plaza, I decided to delete something I wrote about Williamsburg’s Hasidic Jewish community, because of the kind of attention it was attracting.

This drastic action will confound Google, of course; anyone searching for the post will now get this dreaded message: NOT FOUND, ERROR 404.

The deleted post, titled “Hasidic Jews v. Brooklyn Babes on Bikes”, was based on reports that Hasids in Brooklyn objected to bike lanes being added to avenues thru their neighborhood. It was suggested by some that the lanes might encourage hipsters from north Williamsburg to cycle thru their area in less-than-modest clothing!

Now, I confess, having seen a few Williamsburg hipsters, I’m trying to imagine what kind of attire that might be…

But I’m still not sure.

Anyway, the problem was that a certain undesirable element on the Internets seems a little too interested in that article: anti-Semites. One lengthy screed submitted to the comments section rambled on illiterately about ‘what the damn Jew have done to our country’. (Oh dear, just wait til they hear what George W. Bush has did!)

After that I received word from a Jewish media organization that they would henceforth be monitoring what gets posted on Nuts in NY.

All of this, of course, was taking things in a wrong direction. Certainly for this website. But I recognize my original error in judgment. My bad. I’ll try to me more careful.

And sorry, haters, you’ll have to look elsewhere for validation of your sociopathy.

Now, if you please, let’s get back to the hipsters in their underwear…

Photo credits: thirteenofclubs via flickr

© 2008 NutsInNY.com

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