NUT SOUP WEEKEND: I’m Meeting Beyonce on the GWB

Hot-off-the-press from New York City… All the nuts that’s fit to print… Sometimes weird, often wacky… You might wanna postpone that trip to the 99 cent store with your Aunt Mona, sit yourself right down and read this post… You’ll be a better informed, lighter-hearted citizen for it!… And don’t be shy about clicking here to share your own nutty bits with the rest of the class!

ATTENTION NUTS: GET TO NYC ON YOUR OWN, THEN THE SKY’S THE LIMIT…

He was arrested in Connecticut, on his way to the George Washington Bridge for a rendezvous with Beyoncé, he said. According to Bossip.com, “Thirty-three year old Robert Williams Jr., from Michigan, was taken into custody in Milford on Sunday, October 19 after almost smashing into a police car…narrowly missing the cop car and driving over a sidewalk.”

Beyonce as a cop

“Williams, who had flowers and a teddy bear in the car, is also alleged to have asked the cops if they would escort him to New York City, where he claimed [Beyoncé] had agreed to meet him at the George Washington Bridge…”

Source: Livesteez, via Bossip.com

WHO KNEW? IT’S GINGKO PICKIN’ TIME ON STATEN ISLAND

“Ginkgos are hardy trees, which is why they represent almost 3 percent of New York City’s tree population: Their resilience to pollution and insects make them ideal for city living,” according to Pamela Silverstri of the Staten Island Advance. “The October/November gingko fruition is highly anticipated among Koreans and Chinese. The fruit is believed to ameliorate everything from high blood pressure to dementia, a homeopathic cure valued by Asians for thousands of years.”

Ginkgo tree on Roosevelt Island, NYC

“Round, marble-sized fruit from female ginkgo trees…have a nauseating odor… Staten Islanders who harvest ginkgoes recommend wearing one or two layers of rubber kitchen gloves when handling the fruits as the skins are toxic.” And remember, if you’re serving them over a salad, “the green meat inside can be pan-roasted for a few minutes for extra flavor.”

Read the rest from the source: SILive
Futher reading: Gourmet.com
Photo credit: chedpics on Flickr

YOU ARE NOW BEING MARKETED TO MORE PERFECTLY…

NYU Local brings us this tale of New York City buses featuring advertisements now which, thanks to GPS tech, change their content based on the demographics of the neighborhood the bus is passing thru.

“You know, so that every bus starts flashing its American Apparel signs as it passes by Washington Square Park.”

Source: Gothamist via NYU Local
Photo credit: Metropolitan Transportation Authority

A BEAUTIFUL, UNTHIRSTY ASIAN NUT GOES INTO A BAR…

And lives to write about it:

Dark bars are no bueno. Wanting to test out how much lighting is a factor in the [mis]conception of one’s attractiveness, I went around taking random pictures of people that looked not bad in the dark. FAIL. Fail, fail, fail. Who let the dogs out?…

I don’t know how things are done in Europe but it is not appropriate to pick up a girl and bang her head on the ceiling, booty bump her and knock her over, and then ask her to dinner. FAIL… If your opening lines are “You’re beautiful”, “Let me buy you a drink”, “I love Asian women” or anything other than properly introducing yourself, FAIL.

Source: Sleepless in New York
Photo credit: Devon McSee

WHEN A GET WELL CARD ISN’T ENOUGH, SEND THIS KIND OF FLOWER…

Queens resident “Sam Lal…is convinced the mysterious blossom is an incarnation of the elephant-headed Hindu god Ganesh — and neighbors and friends are flocking to see it,” according to the NY Daily News.

“The nearly 4-foot-tall flower grew in June and began to resemble an elephant’s head and trunk in August. Lal said that the ailments that had plagued him for months disappeared.”

Source: NY Daily News
Photo credit: Showalter/NY Daily News

Read more NYC nutty bits here: SOUP TO NUTS: Week-Before-Halloween Edition…

© 2008 NutsInNY.com

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Rescued from Queens Sewer

Cowabunga!! The police called them “idiots”, we call them our Nuts of the Month!… Three Queens teenagers, two of them over 16, playing pretend.…

The Daily News reports:

Three teenagers…got lost and had to be rescued by firefighters yesterday… “These three idiots were playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and wanted to go into the sewers,” said a police source…

Three blockheaded teenagers were busted playing in a sewer Wednesday in Queens - after getting lost while pretending to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, police sources said… The make-believe heroes were crawling around the sewer system when they got confused and lost their way…

Rescue of teens pretending to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in a Kissina Park sewer.

Of course, the nutty value of the story wouldn’t be complete without a few voices from the Daily News peanut gallery:

ERNESTOMAN: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is so last century.

SMASHSIMPKIN: Head to the sewers NYers. World’s largest bulldozer is on the way to level the world’s largest stinkhole… Good ridddance Rotten Apple. You won’t be missed!!!!

KEEPIT: Their real punishment will be when they go back to school…

ELLA GURU: In the sewer they lived, in the sewer the died, they said it was murder but it was sewercide.

Source: NY Daily News, via Newser
Images: Warner Brothers; DelMundo for News

© 2008 NutsInNY.com

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SOUP TO NUTS: October Weekend Brunch Edition

Late breaking nutty bits from the Big Candied Apple… Bite-size pieces that help us put together a much larger picture of widespread New York nuttiness… Amusing, often bemusing, these odds and ends are not to be missed… Before you leave work on Friday, or after a mimosa or two this fine October weekend — it’s all good…

NEW YORK CITY WAS BETTER WHEN IT WAS LO-TECH

A New York Times writer bemoans the advent of GPS and other state-of-the-art technology that prevents us from getting lost:

WHAT we are witnessing is the death of disorientation. What is a city like New York with no walks halfway down the wrong block? With no wrong blocks? With no need to pause, take a breath and synchronize the senses with the clues embedded in the urban landscape? No need to ask questions of one’s fellow human beings? None of that subtle mixture of gratification and satisfaction that comes from giving or receiving directions that help us find our way?

Those few moments of disorientation are the moments in which we are reminded of the dizziness of this world — its irrationality, its chaos, its unexpected beauty.

Source: NY Times via Gawker
Illustration: Jon KeeGan

SUBWAY SEATING ARTIST? (OR JUST ANOTHER NUT?)

From NY1:

“If you’ve noticed some extra seating on subway platforms lately, it might not be the MTA’s doing. A Queens man has launched a one-man campaign to help people take a load off their feet while they wait for the train. NY1 Transit reporter Bobby Cuza filed the following report.”

“It’s not that unusual to find Jason Eppink in the subways carrying a chair. The Queens artist has made a habit of picking them up off the street, bringing them underground, then setting them up on subway platforms.”

Source: NY1 via Queens Crap
Photo credit: NY1

“COPY EDITORS DESPERATELY NEEDED!”

“Please apply at the New York City Department of Transportation ASAP.”

That perfectly good headline and opening line, and this photo of a misspelled street sign for Mercer Street, courtesy of EphemeralNewYork.com.

Source and photo credit: EphemeralNewYork.com

© 2008 NutsInNY.com

Read more NUT SOUP: Mid-October Edition.

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Of Mice and Nuts: Reasons Not to Act

Actor Todd Robert Anderson describes himself as “one of television’s most vaguely recognizable performers”. But despite that self-deprecating tag, the graduate of New York University can claim some pretty big television credits on his resumé, ones that make him sound a heck of a lot like an acting success story: Will & Grace, CSI, Judging Amy, and The Guardian.

Todd Robert Anderson

However, despite the high profile credits, Anderson has penned a cautionary tale for those considering a career in acting. Originally conceived of as a book, his collection of essays titled “Don’t Act: 101 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t” is freely available, being presented in installments on his blog. An eye-opener for would-be actors, it details his early struggles in New York, providing the kind of gritty local color familiar to struggling creative types in NYC.

In Don’t Act, Reason #3: You will be broke, Anderson discusses the hardships and grim existence he faced after graduating from NYU, as a struggling actor in New York, and we meet some of the checkered characters who populated his world:

I was forced to find a new dwelling in Astoria, Queens. The only reason I had ever been able to live in Manhattan in the first place was because I was in college and my parents were footing the bill for food, shelter and tuition… But once I graduated, I was on my own, and food and rent cost a lot more than I could afford. The job I worked paid only eight bucks an hour, and that’s not enough to make it happen in The Big Apple. The only place I could afford…was a one-room shack at the back of an alleyway. I shared it with two roommates who put up cheap walls to divide the place into three rooms. One was a pothead…and the other was a fair-skinned vegan who ate only green vegetables and had only one bowel movement a week which gave his skin a greenish hue and made me rather anxious.

Then there were the creepy neighbors:

I once lived next to a guy who claimed to be the president of the Manhattan Chapter of the Young Republicans Club, and he was always stopping by our apartment…to tell us about the great time he had just had at a strip club. On our other side was the shut-in lady who only came out of her apartment to walk her retarded Doberman. If our door was ever open even a crack…the shut-in lady would come over…and sit on the sofa to smoke her Virginia Slims and talk my ear off. One night…I was trying to write an essay for class… the shut-in lady was smoking cigarettes and yammering while I continued to try to write. My roommate never shut the door, to give her the hint we didn’t want her sticking around too long. Twenty minutes later the Young Republican poked his head through the door. What happened then was astounding. The two of them began having a conversation as if my roommate and I weren’t even there. The Young Republican was apparently allergic to dogs because his nose started literally draining snot, but he refused to leave, so engrossed he was with the shut-in lady. They discussed her dog. He said, “I love these guys, but they kill me.” She answered, “They kill you? Look at this.” Then she pulled her upper row of teeth out of her head, explaining that the dog had jumped for a ball and slammed into her jaw. The Young Republican then said, “Oh, yeah?” And then he pulled his teeth out of his head! Now, I would have demanded that they leave, but chances were quite high that they were both homicidal maniacs…

Finally, some thanks is overdue for Todd Robert Anderson’s efforts to rid the boro of Queens of mice, one by one:

Both of my roommates were allergic to cats, so we had none, but all the neighbors had several felines apiece which meant that the neighborhood mice made their home in our shack… Before attempting sleep, I often would pull the blankets back to find several of these critters having a warm nap in my bed. I became obsessed with killing all the mice in Queens, and I am generally a very peaceful person. After trying all manner of traps and poison, I found the most efficient way of killing them was to put out a glue trap…turn off all the lights, and then sit poised atop a stool with a hammer in hand. I would wait that way until one of the mice had the misfortune of getting himself stuck on the trap… leaping with a triumphant howl from my perch…

Sure does sound like Anderson’s life as a struggling actor in NYC was chocked full of nuts. But also maybe, just maybe, having a bit of his own nuttiness helped him pull thru the tough times. Est-ce possible?

Photo credits: Bob Neches; The Jackson Laboratory

© 2008 NutsInNY.com

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I Love New York (4 Boros, Anyway)

Clearly, New York is missing one of its nuts…

I have no idea why Pink Gloves is spending Ramadan in Dubai, but from thousands of miles away she expresses her profound homesickness for NYC. And she offers her appraisal of the five boros and Long Island:

Nu York… I miss home… this morning i woke up crying… They weren’t sad tears per se, but tears of nostalgia. I miss my city…

Brooklyn… remains my favorite borough of the NYC area… maybe my buried placenta keeps me attached… Maybe it is the smell of jerk chicken on Utica Avenue. Maybe it is Kings Plaza Mall where my mother’s water broke…

Queens, ah my darling Queens… My favorite part of Queens? Jamaica Avenue. No, not because of my Jamaican roots. But they have my favorite fish market right there on the corner.

Bronx. eerh, don’t like the Bronx, for reasons that still remain unknown.

Staten Island. The coolest thing about Staten Island in my opinion is the ferry.
If you are looking for a cheap thrill, and cannot afford a cruise or a boat ride, then this works.

Manhattan… Small, but seriously overpopulated. Gotta love Prince Street with all the boutiques… Chinatown, the vendor says “u wan Gucheee, come follow me”. I love Macy’s… Blooming“jales”… 59th St. stop on the Lex line. The green line rocks. Gotta love Central Park even if u hate the idea, NY will make u love it. Where else can u go for free concerts?…

Long Island. Nassau to be exact. I miss home… overcrowded Jones Beach in the summertime… the amphitheater… Green Acres Mall… Roosevelt Field Mall

I miss so much about home. Maybe because it is Ramadan in Dubai…

Her friend NY Babe then replies to her in the comments section:

Couldn’t have said it better myself. I LUVVVV New York… I really don’t see myself living anywhere else. Funny just like u I can’t stand the Bronx. Hang in there you’ll be home soon enough.

And her friend Yessie also replies:

Yep girl gotta love NY. For some reason I have something against BX too; when pple ask me to meet them there, I usually respond with “I can’t stand BX” or “I go to the Bronx only once in 2 years” I live in Nassau; used to be a Roosevelt Field Mall junkie until recent times ($$$ issues)… still in love with the beach… Gotta love NY with all its craziness

OK, please allow me to ask, what’s up with all the Bronx-hating, ladies??

Anyway, travel safely, Pink Gloves… At least 4 of the 5 boros miss you!

© 2008 NutsInNY.com

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Imported Nuts, Exhibit A

[UPDATE: Since I posted this, travelpod.com has removed this guy’s daily travelogue from their website.]

A visitor from Israel named Ayal relates the following gripping story about flying to the United States, arriving at JFK, making his way to the hotel where he’ll stay in Manhattan, and then immediately striking out for the boro of Queens in search of the laptop bargain he had called about in advance from Israel:

A train to Queens… New Hyde Park station… trying to find my store… I called from Israel and made sure they have my model in stock and ready to sell… Upon getting there a few Japanese (or something, they all look the same to me) guys welcomed me and told me that this is a warehouse and they are not selling to private customers.

I god a little angry and said I talked to them from Israel and they told me I can buy and blah blah blah… I asked for the model I want, they said the guy just went for the day and I should come back after Labor Day. At this point I got really pissed off.

After all that we’ve been through? No way, so like good Israeli I started to bitch and yell on him. After a few short minutes the fellow…went to bring me my new laptop. Now with a new laptop and no reason in the world to hurry we started our way back to Manhattan.

Just the kind of guy a few midwesterners will encounter in NYC, then return home to Meatloaf, Kansas telling folks about how rude them New Yorkers are…

Read more about nuts in Queens!

© 2008 nutsinny.com

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Not All Mexicans Work for You, Numbnuts

WHO: middle aged white guy

WHERE: queens barber shop

THE STORY: was getting my hair cut in queens yesterday, at a place owned and operated by this mexican lady. one middle aged white guy was sitting in the other chair getting his hair cut. and one teenage mexican kid was sitting waiting for a hair cut.

the white guy suddenly asked the lady if she had any coffee.

“no…no coffee…”, she sighed.

so then the guy motions towards the mexican kid sitting there waiting and says “maybe your boy could run and get me some”.

freakin‘ idiot!!! (but what sweet people those mexicanos… the boy didn‘t react, and the barber lady politely said the boy didn‘t work there.)

SUBMITTED BY: joshua

Copyright ©2008 nutsinny.com

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