Mayor Bloomberg: NY Does Not Exist Til Jess Returns
September 29, 2008 by David Donnell
Filed under Nut Say What?
New York City is missing a nut, and vice versa.
Jess, a 20 year old NYU undergrad, loves Paris but she is homesick for New York. She writes home comparing the two cities, two cultures:
People actually amble when they get off the Metro here! If you do that in New York you get run over or verbally abused. But I think all these things contribute to an attitude that is in contrast to one that people used to living in New York have cultivated. I have no patience, a strikingly entitled outlook (I don’t care how Catholic you are, stores should be open on Sundays!), a hurried, intense way of living and an arbitrary sense of safety even in the most dangerous situations.
The no-24-hour-metro thing is a problem in the sense that I am broke and can’t afford to take a cab home every time I go out. (Not to mention it’s not like cabs swarm the streets like in New York)…
It’s not that I hate Paris: quite the contrary. I love it here. It’s just that New York has been so woven into the person that I am that the very idea of it existing without me makes me homesick. My friends here from NYU and I talk about it constantly, and Parisians or people we know from different schools stare at us like we are legit insane. Perhaps we are. We get this dreamy look in our eyes like we are reminiscing about some long ago high school romance… a high school romance with a 24 hour subway system and an intense delivery network that can allow for anything your heart desires to appear on your doorstep within the hour.
I was browsing through friends’ Facebook albums this morning and saw a picture of someone walking up Astor Place towards Broadway. I suddenly experienced this dramatic lurch in my stomach and felt like I might cry. It’s almost as if I’m in this one sided long distance relationship or something, wherein I desperately miss this place and it just ignores me and continues to spit out pollution and embarrassingly pun-laden Post headlines…
Jess et une amie a Paris
Jess, I think I speak for 8 million New Yorkers when I say it’s just not the same without you here. Hurry home!
Photo credit: Jess and Josh Talk About Stuff
Read more about nutty NYU students!
© 2008 NutsInNY.com
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New York’s Oldest Car Service? (Ancient!)
September 11, 2008 by David Donnell
Filed under All Nuts
An employee manual found here in Williamsburg, Brooklyn - from Northside car service on Bedford Avenue - has this logo inside the front of the book:
(For the math-challenged: the year 1.979 fell between the years 1 and 2, but was much closer to the latter.)
Read more Williamsburg news.
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When Upstairs Neighbors Drive Ya Nuts
August 21, 2008 by David Donnell
Filed under All Nuts
WHO: obsessive-compulsive neighbor
WHERE: upstairs
THE STORY: One of the things about living in New York City is the fact that people live above you… I once had a neighbor who did nothing but vacuum all day that it drove me to write down the multiple intervals on a paper bag just from going crazy.
7:33am…vroom.
It started at this time because her husband, the cab driver, would leave for work.
8:46am…vroom. vroom.
Zeus, please make it stop.
9:56am: vroom. vroom. vroom.
Mercy, me.
11:13am. Vroom. vroom. vroom.
God. Please. I‘m begging you. Give her diarrhea. For one whole year.
This went on like this for weeks at a time. I couldn‘t take it anymore and I just had to confront her. So, up the stairs I went and knocked gently on her door.
Truth be told, I really wanted to bust it down with 10 deadly karate kicks I learned from an old boyfriend.
Boy, was he a fine specimen of a man. But that‘s a whole other topic, folks.
She finally opened the door and the conversation went something like this:
Vacuum nut: “Yes, can I help you?”
Me: “Hi, I live right below you and I can‘t get any writing done with all the noise from the vacuum?&rdquo ( pssst…I was really watching one of my favorite shows: “Judge Mathis”…shhh!)
Vacuum lunatic: “So?”
Me: “You know, I have a puzzle downstairs I could lend to you if you‘re bored or…in heat!”
Shrek-the-vacuum-monster: “Go to…!”
She slammed the door in my face before I could catch the last word…
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